Hey there! I'm Xiaochang 🌭
It's time for my weekly letter to grow a little together with you!

Today's post is quite different. Like always, it's hand-written, warm-hearted text (I never use AI for my newsletter, by the way), but my emotional state is both calm and joyful. My family of origin once caused me pain, yet they also unconditionally held me and loved me for who I truly am. Today, let's have a good conversation about my Lunar New Year story.

🧧 Why Is Xiaochang Always Afraid of Lunar New Year?

Recalling these experiences, my physical body still trembles slightly with fear. In my memory, 'Lunar New Year' always comes with various arguments and negative emotions—from family members, relatives, and my own.

My parents haven't divorced, but my mother is a strong-willed woman who struggles with emotional regulation (why do I call her strong-willed? Because she took on tens of millions in debt single-handedly and climbed back from rock bottom on her own—I'll share this story another time).

Whenever Lunar New Year approached, she would handle all the household chores, rituals, and everything that creates the 'New Year' ceremony—how much money to give to whom, where to put the couplets, what kind of red envelopes to buy, the total spending, what dishes to prepare, how to cook them, no need to help with the dishes, she would do it all.

My mom is this kind of strong-willed presence, but her intense personality overshadowed everyone else's light. Everyone had to follow orders, and anyone who stepped slightly outside her framework would get scolded.

I'm someone who hates being constrained, so I was always the one who clashed with her. Every year, I kept hoping for a Lunar New Year without quarrels, cold wars, or mutual hurt. I've even mentioned in a Podcast interview an incident where I jumped out of a night bus from shame after my brother criticized my appearance—that also happened during Lunar New Year.

But actually, I do like 'Lunar New Year.'

I love seeing those I care about happy and joyful. I love my busy mom, my face-saving dad wanting to be generous for once, the wrinkles on my grandparents' faces, plucking my grandfather's white hairs, my grandmother sneaking pocket money into my hands, setting off firecrackers and sparklers—these rare moments of gathering, yet always clouded by tension.

So when celebrating Lunar New Year with former boyfriends, I always looked forward to experiencing their family's festive happiness, because this kind of beautiful feeling was relatively scarce in my own Lunar New Year experiences.

I always thought I didn't need to mentally prepare for 'Lunar New Year' anymore. But in fact, until something happened before this year's Lunar New Year, I realized I'm still afraid of it. That's why I told my mom before flying to Hangzhou that I wouldn't return for Lunar New Year this year, and why I'm so sensitive about the matter.

🎁 Free Registration: [The Gutsy Path] Train Your Native Brain: Knowledge Management Foundations Class 1

✦ Instructor: Xiaochang (Me)
✦ Time: 2026/03/05 (Thursday) 19:30–21:00 (including Q&A)

In this class, I'll introduce the Knowledge Management Intensive Coaching Course launching in March. Only attendees of this lecture will get exclusive discount codes!! I've already completed one-on-one consultations with 10 mentees. This session has 20 spots remaining. My first Knowledge Management Coaching Course has been promoted quite casually, but it's also a benefit for loyal fans who have consistently read my newsletter and supported me.

Recently, after talking with AI engineers from both sides of the Taiwan Strait, I discovered that everything ultimately comes back to 'Knowledge Management'—not the kind where AI manages your knowledge for you! But rather, knowledge management of your native brain. They all say, now is the era of brain training!

If you subscribe to my newsletter, you must be curious about how I've grown step by step to this stage—speaking not just in Taiwan but increasingly across the strait. I want to share what I've recently absorbed with you and help you build a solid foundation in Knowledge Management.

✦ 🧠 Everything I'll share with you comes from my own wall-hitting experiences

I wasn't a Knowledge Management expert from the start. Since I subscribed to Heptabase on 2023/09/01, I picked it up instantly, discovered my passion for researching Knowledge Management, and even developed the 'Memory Tree Note-Taking Method」、「S.H.A.P.E. Knowledge Management Five-Step Framework' As a self-taught researcher, I discovered that these methods I developed have scientific backing related to various methodologies worldwide.

'First Principles, Pyramid Structure, Mind Maps, Concept Maps, Logic Trees'

This entire methodology is something I taught myself and developed through hands-on experimentation.
My philosophy is simple—you can find knowledge management knowledge everywhere in public courses and online,
but nobody really tells you how to integrate and practice it well.
This time you'll see: "how an ordinary person builds their own knowledge base」。

👵 This Time, Summoning Courage to Face My Mother

On a winter evening before Lunar New Year, my mom and I sat face-to-face and talked for three hours. I made one of the best decisions of my life—to heal myself.

I told her about the hurt my family of origin caused me, my feelings, my flaws, the insecurity I've carried in intimate relationships, and what family stories—as I remember them—created physical and psychological anxiety for me. Altogether, there are three major points that are my biggest shortcomings. (Anyway, my readers already know I have plenty of flaws, so what's a few more? Haha).

❶ Inferiority

I told my mom that I've felt inferior about my appearance. When people around me are concerned about my gray hairs, they're worried I'm stressed and hope I can reduce my burden—but my first instinct is to think, "You're looking down on me!!" It all started when my brother called me ugly. I got so upset that I cried until the car stopped at a red light, then threw open the door and ran into a corner alley to cry. She says she remembers that moment but had no idea it caused such deep harm throughout my life...

Looking me in the eyes, my mom said: "You're really beautiful. You're incredibly cute and smart. Your face is truly lovely. Just watching you sit here and tell me all this, looking at your face, I think you're so beautiful." (I just burst into tears XD)

"Do you know my customers are always asking if my daughter is single? Every socialite wants you to be their daughter-in-law."

My mom picked up her phone and searched through it, saying:"Oh, this phone only has a few photos—my old one broke. The photo album was full of beautiful photos of you that I took."

I really cried so hard I couldn't see straight, and I'm doing the same now as I type. It's like there's always one person in this world who loves me—imperfect and all, exactly as I am.

Going forward, I won't feel anxious about my appearance anymore. Because no matter what, someone loves me for who I truly am. So this is what it feels like to be unconditionally caught and held.

I was healed.

Of course, my image-conscious powerhouse mom still had one complaint for me: "But you're too lazy—you'd be even prettier if you lost weight XDD." Because of this conversation, I seriously worked out over Lunar New Year and lost 3 kg!!

In April I hired a remote trainer (literally a collaboration opportunity that dropped out of nowhere—so lucky!) and before I go to Bali I can lose even more weight!!

❷ Being Ignored

Because my mom is a powerhouse career woman, her life revolves around work and making money.

From infancy, I was raised by an aunt figure, but she had three granddaughters of her own, so I was the outsider. In my earliest memories, I was in my crib while the other granddaughters played happily on the floor.

When my mom heard this, she said: "At the time, I thought she wasn't taking care of you well, so I quickly brought you home to be raised by your grandmother. And you were so well-behaved, so mature, so adorable as a child!" And she went on and on, even acting out cute scenes of me as a little girl. Haha.

I continued by sharing the major milestones of my childhood—and family was absent for all of them. I spent seven years in the wind band, but I have barely any memory of family attending my performances or the flower ceremonies.

During my Taipei Business College years, I was the lead singer of a band for three years. Family was nowhere to be found at any of the performances, inter-school competitions, or even when we sang at Jianguo High School (what an honor!), or my graduation ceremony. I invited them every single time. Every single time, they declined.

When I did well on exams and excelled, my mom would always say, "Look at so-and-so, they're even better. They're doing this and that."

The memory that stands out most is when I was in junior high and went to Ximending to buy Jay Chou merchandise. When I got home, my mom got angry and threw it away (Ximending was indeed chaotic back then, so family would worry). I got so mad I cut up her designer clothes. At that moment, I felt: "Why are my needs, my light, always ignored?"

She apologized to me about the Ximending incident at the time. In this deep conversation, she apologized again. She didn't realize how much these things affected me. She's really sorry for always overlooking my feelings, for not knowing how much I've kept unsaid. She also regrets a bit that she was influenced by her own family of origin in ways that hurt me.

I was healed again.

❸ Abandonment

When I was 4 years old in kindergarten, one time my mom went to pick up my brother from cram school and didn't come back for a long time (normally she'd be back in 10 minutes). I was alone on the couch in the living room feeling so anxious, thinking "Does Mom not want me anymore?" 😭 I cried and cried, and then I cried my way out the door to look for her (!??)

I left the house, crossed a four-lane intersection all by myself, and showed up at the cram school entrance. My mom was terrified!!!! A little kindergarten kid ventured out into the world alone just to find mom...

This story is deeply etched in my memory—and I remember thinking it happened in first grade, but when my mom told me during our conversation, she said I was only in kindergarten. (I recommend everyone have conversations with their families about major incidents—it's interesting to hear their perspective on events. There are always things we misremember. That's just how human brains work, haha.)

Later, there were times when I'd be out with friends. They thought I'd already gone back to the car, so they headed to the parking lot. When I came out of the bathroom and couldn't find anyone, that "abandoned" fear would rush in—and my body would physically feel anxious.

I really didn't understand why I was like this, but facing the mother who worked so hard to raise me, after I poured out all my feelings...

I am healed once again.

💭 Facing Fear: My Gains

I'm willing to face my deepest fears and have a deep conversation with my mom. I believe this is one of the best decisions I've made in 2026. I'm grateful for the invisible force that brought about this reconciliation—a reconciliation with my mom, and also with my own anxiety.

I've always admired people who can directly tell their mom 'I love you.' Now, I've done it too. Facing uncertainty about the future, I believe I now have the ability to 'take full responsibility for all my decisions,' and even for a major life change like moving to Hangzhou, I no longer need to be afraid!

I hope this newsletter helps you learn something, feel more connected to the world, and grow a little!
If you have any feedback, suggestions, thoughts to share, or recommendations for me, please reply to this email. I'll respond to you thoughtfully.

See you next 《Gut Talk Newsletter" again~ 😘
by KnowledgeGutfounder Xiaochang

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Xiaochang is meticulous about typography; if you spot typos or formatting issues, please reach out to Xiaochang's IG Contact! All articles come from Heptabase Xiaochang's Second Brain🧠 Content is purely human-written, never AI-generated.

If you have any questions about the article content, or if there are any parts you'd like me to elaborate on, feel free to leave a comment below and let me know～
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by Knowledge Management Mentor Xiaochang🌭