✍️ Last Updated: May 18, 2025

On 12/31/2023 at 11:30 p.m., when everyone was waiting for the new year in 30 minutes, I unexpectedly opened my blog and wrote my second life article, wanting to share with my readers that celebrating New Year's alone is no big deal, and if you have any anxiety, here's how to overcome it.

Why write an article about spending New Year's alone at home?

This article came about because I wanted to face my current feelings and tell my past self: You've changed, become better, stronger, and more able to embrace solitude. You're amazing, you'll keep improving, you can do it! So this piece is both an emotional journal entry and a practical guide to alleviating anxiety—no intentional SEO keywords XD If you want to know how to train yourself to endure solitude, keep reading~

Am I experiencing 'solitude anxiety' or 'enjoying solitude'?

I,am anxious right now, because if I felt nothing about spending New Year's alone, why write an article to share? Throughout this year, I've spent most of my time working alone at home. Even for casual dinners or outings, I've tried to turn down as many as possible. Compared to my past self, I've made significant progress, but it's still not enough. I haven't yet reached the point where I can truly 'enjoy solitude.'

What was it like spending New Year's alone at home for the first time?

On this day last year in 2022, I was'intentionally' forcing myself not to accept any invitations from friends, deliberately trying to'train' myself to tolerate loneliness. I was thinking at the time: 'Well... I started a company, I'm an entrepreneur. One of the most fundamental abilities of successful entrepreneurs is to endure solitude and enjoy being alone.' But unexpectedly, on this day last year, I was alone at home and cried from anxiety. My rational and emotional sides argued repeatedly inside me, and their bickering made the night seem even darker and deeper.

　: You're clearly a 100% emotional person who relies heavily on others, so why force yourself to endure this solitude?
　: But I want to try to break free from my emotional side and elevate my rational qualities.
　: I believe I can have this fundamental ability just like successful entrepreneurs do.
　: You can, but you don't have to.
　：…

How did spending New Year's alone at home feel the second time around?

Now in 2023, as I'm about to enter 2024, my mindset has completely changed: 'Having it is nice, but not having it is okay too.' Although I feel anxious emotionally and physically right now, the degree of anxiety is worlds apart from last year in 2022. I've spent a whole year training myself to adapt to solitude. I thought I could write this article with a rational mindset, but unfortunately, even now, my emotional nature still holds a place in my heart.

　: You've already worked hard to break free and become a girl who isn't 100% emotional anymore. What more do you want?
　: It's not enough... I feel it's not enough. I'm still too easily anxious about small things.
　: It's New Year's Eve! Is that a small thing?
　: Yes! That's right. New Year's Eve has gone from being an important life ritual to a small thing.
　：…

It's funny how my internal dialogue has been exactly like this over these two years. I've stopped caring as much about ceremonial occasions, though of course I'd still like to celebrate them—but it's also okay if I don't. Writing this out now feels like reviewing my own growth. I'm finding that writing articles is quite fun XD

How can I intentionally practice adapting to solitude?

Let me start by saying I'm not a professional psychologist, but I've personally tested these methods and they work. Within a year, they transformed my personality from being 100% emotional and constantly dependent on others to being independent enough to enjoy solo travel abroad.

#1 First, ask yourself why you need to adapt to loneliness

• On the work front
  I decided that I must start a business in my life, and after actually going ahead and launching my company, I realized that as a business owner, I needed to develop this ability. That's why I intentionally practiced adapting to solitude. Of course, I sometimes wonder if it was necessary, but after truly acquiring this skill, my life became much more comfortable, and I gained better freedom in managing my limited time.

• On the emotional front
  In the past, I relied too much on romantic relationships—either I was with someone or had an ambiguous connection. This hindered my work and personal life goals significantly. So I felt I had to adapt to solitude. To do this, I deliberately set goals to not prioritize emotion and to remain single for at least two years. I've achieved that now, and truly, no distractions prevent me from reaching my goals.

If you have no special needs, I think maintaining a personality that needs company, community, and belonging isn't necessarily bad. In fact, some personas and groups are formed precisely for people like you. So think it through first, then try.

#2 Adjusting the balance of life priorities

Friends who knew me before 2022 would tell you that my life's priorities were:

• Relationships: 85%
• Friends: 5%
• Work: 5%
• Family: 5%
• Myself: 1%

I undervalued myself and overvalued relationships. My life revolved around whoever I was with. I had no idea what my goals were, what kind of partner I wanted, and I'd never even heard the phrase 'self-awareness.' I lived naively and happily, but it was too easy to get hurt and it heavily affected my life achievements.

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By the end of 2023, my life priorities had completely changed:

• Myself: 45%
• Work: 30%
• Friends: 10%
• Family: 10%
• Relationships: 5%

I began to value my own feelings, be aware of my current state, discover my strengths and weaknesses, enjoy the growth joy that work brings, and learned that life without romance can also be very happy.

If you're unsure how to adjust your life's balance, you can use 'time allocation' to set your priorities. Plug these percentages into your time management, and your life will start to transform dramatically.

#3 Say hello to the voices in your head

This method isn't my invention! I referenced"Awake and Living"This book mentions the concept of 'separating oneself from the voice in one's mind.'

「Don't speak. Say "hello" in your mind, and the one who responds is truly you.」。

When I occasionally say 'hello' to the voice in my mind, I feel like a listener, hearing what that inner voice wants to express. This method immediately helps me detach from my current feelings—anxiety, dissatisfaction, disappointment, irritation—and by letting go of the negative emotions from loneliness and solitude, I mysteriously began to adapt to being alone.

Deliberately separating yourself from the voice in your mind is truly fascinating. The voice speaking in your mind isn't really you—it's your brain. You're simply the listener, like having a roommate living in your brain. Your brain is a talkative roommate who loves to analyze things. In Buddhism, this method is called 'Buddha-nature' (a Buddhist term referring to everyone's inherent wisdom and spiritual essence). In the West, it's called ''Soul'' concept.

The author shared a few reflective points I found interesting:

• Those who know they are suffering are not truly suffering.
• Those who know they are sad are not truly sad.
• Those who know they are anxious are not truly anxious.

If you want to live consciously, you can start now by saying 'hello' to the voice in your brain. This is a method Xiaochang has tested and found effective. I highly recommend that when you have free time, don't speak aloud but say hello to yourself in your mind. Try it now!

#4 Try greeting your anxiety

This parallels saying hello to the voice in your mind, but for those with severe anxiety (such as those who just broke up or recently lost a loved one), you can try deliberately experiencing the anxiety. Within a 24-hour period, anxiety comes and goes. You can actually sense it yourself.

When anxiety arrives, try saying to it:

「Hey, anxiety here you come, no worries. I know you'll come find me, just like a friend. Thank you for coming to see me. Go ahead and feel anxious, you can be anxious.」

This is a 'braking system' for resolving insecurity and anxiety. I forgot which book I read it from or who told me about it. For a period of time in 2021, I had severe insecurity. I used this method of greeting anxiety every day to quickly get through the moment.

Xiaochang has really tested this method and found it effective. Just say that sentence whenever anxiety strikes! Let anxiety brake, prevent it from getting closer, or let it leave on its own.

When you're alone, do you never feel lonely?

Not at all right now! After adjusting my life's focus, whenever I work or spend time alone with myself, I often enter a flow state. Once I start working on my computer, I can end up working for over 6 hours, which is quite extreme. Even now, as I'm writing this article, I'm alone on New Year's Eve, yet I don't feel lonely. I just have a tiny bit of anxiety, but it disappears immediately.

Do I wish I could celebrate New Year's with two people or more?

Not forcing it! I've changed so much. After doing the training and changes mentioned above, I truly cherish my time. I reject almost all weak-tie gatherings. I hope my time is spent valuably and meaningfully, like reading books and building Heptabase Second Brain notes, writing articles, answering various stranger questions on social media (this trains my output), attending meaningful activities where I can learn something, and connecting with friends at my frequency level or better.

If I had a partner to spend it with, that would be great. If old friends could gather for New Year's Eve, that would also be nice, but I don't force either. New Year's Eve, Christmas, Chinese New Year—these ceremonial days were extremely important in 'Xiaochang 1.0' version of my life. But now, I've upgraded to 'Xiaochang 2.0', and these days are the same as any other day to me (of course, that would be different if I had a partner).

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🌭 Welcome to Gut 🌭

I'm writing this to transform this anxiety into words and tell you who feels the same way—you're not alone. And enjoying solitude is something that can be trained and perfected with technique. I hope this helps you.

Xiaochang is meticulous about typography; if you spot typos or formatting issues, please reach out to Xiaochang's IG Contact! All articles come from Heptabase Xiaochang's Second Brain🧠 Content is purely human-written, never AI-generated.

If you have any questions about the article content, or if there are any parts you'd like me to elaborate on, feel free to leave a comment below and let me know～
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by Knowledge Management Mentor Xiaochang🌭